Accepting Gay Marriage: Or, How I Learned to Mind My Own Damn Business…

There was a story (This one is from The Washington Post) in the news, been in the news for the last couple months, about Elane Photography, Vanessa Willock, and her partner. Willock and partner wanted Elane Photography (a self-proclaimed Christian photographer) to cover their commitment ceremony, but Elane responded by claiming to only cover “traditional weddings.” Well, according to a George Will article in The Orange County Register, Willock’s partner wrote Elane Photography, not mentioning her partner but stating there would be a commitment ceremony. Elane Photography said they would do the photography. Willock’s partner never responded. Now, the owners of Elane Photography, according to Will, just want to be “let alone.”

I’m all for standing up for your beliefs and wanting to be able to live a life that fits comfortably within your own world view. Everyone–and I mean EVERYONE–is entitled to that life. But you can’t be a hypocrite and get that same amount of respect. Elane Photography comes off, to me anyway, as hypocritical. Willock was forthright with Elane Photography, explaining her situation and their desire to work with that photography company. Did Elane Photography have the right to refuse? Certainly, no argument there. You want to be restrictive and judgmental, fine. It must be a lonely life you lead, and I’m sorry. But to then accept the bid from Willock’s partner–even though she never mentioned her partner–and expect that same kind of respect? No, Ma’am. That doesn’t fly with me.

I’ve been meaning to write something like this for ages, but I was just too angry. I was afraid that I would just shoot off at the mouth, curse everyone, and I didn’t want to do that. Not for this topic…There were other times when it just seemed too silly to write about it at all–mostly because anyone who knows me knows how I feel. On top of the fact that everyone is talking about it, even Vice President Biden, which arguably forced President Obama to step forward with his own opinion. I want to cheer; I want to shout Hallelujah; because we are moving closer to true equality. It’s slow, but it’s happening. One step at a time.

But I also feel that every opinion is valid, every opinion has worth. Even the opinions we disagree with, if not those most especially. The real problem with gay marriage? Everyone has a damned opinion about it, and no one wants to cooperate, compromise. We’ve become a society of The Individual, and The Individual doesn’t have to play fair if he or she doesn’t want to:

“I have rights, by God, and those rights need to be heeded!” The Individual shouts.

Except everyone is shouting this: the gay community, the Christian community, every single damn community has something to say about this.

What the fuck good are any rights at all if no one’s rights are respected by anyone?

Beyond that, how long can you protect your rights when you’re so busy taking away everyone else’s?

That’s the one thing anti-gay-rights heterosexuals don’t seem to grasp, they have this marriage thing so easy and only because a widely-accepted ideology is running the proverbial show: Christianity. More to the point: Puritan-brand Christianity. We can slap half-naked chicks in just about every commercial on the planet, sexualize food to the point of blatant innuendo (Burger King, I’m looking at you sexist assholes!), and destroy each other on TV in every possible way–but allow two people of the same gender to openly love each other, respect each other, join together with the promises of eternity in a long-standing tradition and the whole damned world loses their fucking minds.

Do you see how bat-shit fucking crazy that is?

Making gay marriage an accessible LEGAL contract will not turn the whole damn world gay, okay? It might allow a few people to actually be themselves, feel comfortable in their skin, like them-fucking-selves–but then sales in anti-depressants and hourly rates for psychotherapists might go down. People might begin to feel accepted.

God forbid!

Looking back on the past 50 years or so, what has Christianity and Heterosexuality really done for this country?

Divorce rate is at 50% or more. People can’t fucking stand each other because all they can see is the label before the person. Ideologies beat out ideas. People can’t stand up for themselves because other nut jobs just have to have AK-47s to protect themselves from “the crazies” out there. And nothing is more fun than telling just about every person on the planet they’re going to Hell!

If we could all take two fucking seconds to consider that ANOTHER PERSON is entitled to their own life, their own happiness, someone else might take that same two seconds to consider that you are entitled to your own life, your own happiness. That means me, you, your mom, your sister, the priest down the street, and the leader of your local book club. EVERYONE.

There’s this idea floating around that if someone else’s point of view or opinion is socially deemed “right,” then mine must be “wrong”. That two opposite thoughts are always going to negate each other.

One of the first lessons I learned from a very intelligent middle school science teacher (Miss you, Mr. Lieran) in a life skills class is that opinions are not to be understood on the right versus wrong binary. Opinions exist on a much more fluid spectrum, where conflicting opinions can actually co-exist without intentionally restricting one person’s well-being based on another’s opinion.

Like the shirt says: If you don’t like gay marriage, then don’t get one!

But just because you don’t LIKE it, that doesn’t mean it can’t exist. Whatever that “it” might be. You know what? I really fucking HATE homophobia and gay intolerance, but I can’t make you change your mind, can I? Nothing that I type out here can make you think I’m less of an abomination, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T BE GAY! It also doesn’t mean that I’m not entitled to every single legal right that YOU have!

Fucking crazy, Man. Basic human rights are denied to me because I love a woman. Because I choose to follow what my heart tells me is true love. Because I choose to not live my life miserable and alone or married to some man who will NEVER love me the way my female fiancee does. Because I refuse to bow down to some ancient rules written by a group of white men who tried to grasp the amazing life of Jesus of Nazareth.

Am I a Christian, you ask? Yes. I believe God made me this way. This is the path God intends for me to walk right now, and–no–you don’t have to like it. You don’t have to understand it. You don’t even have to come along for the ride, but you know what? I would never, ever try to tell you what God’s plan is for you. I would never, ever tell you that you aren’t entitled to your narrow-minded and restrictive opinion. If I’m sinning, that’s between God and me. Yes, God wants us to watch out for our brothers’ and sisters’ well-being. Help them stay on the path, of course, but don’t push them off of it before they even have a chance to find it.

Most Christians make the Sacrament argument. “It’s a religious sacrament, and homosexuality is condemned as a sin in the Bible. Therefore, extending the sacrament to abominations is just impossible.”

Duh. Marriage hasn’t had an ounce of religiousness to it since before Christianity’s Rule. Want to know how I know? Look at Las Vegas, the Dominican Republic, or anywhere else you can get a quickie-anything pertaining to The Religious Sacrament. Look at Husbands/Wives who abuse their Wives/Husbands, take advantage of them, cheat on them, abandon them, and rob from them. That all happened in The Bible, too. All those stories about adulterous wives and negligent or abusive fathers. Read it. Not to say there isn’t anything good in there, there’s plenty of good stuff in there. But it won’t support your hate of homosexuals, but it could change your mind about how to see the good in people and leave the judgment of sin to our Heavenly Father.

Gee, tell me more about how Heterosexuals DESERVE marriage more than Homosexuals. Please! Or how Heterosexuals are better suited for marriage, because they can procreate. You know what’s really kinda funny about all this? Lying, cheating, abandonment, that can all happen in a gay marriage, too. Because, in the end, we’re all people. Flawed to the core and unable to deal with the fallout. But to deny a group of people LEGAL equality because you simply don’t like or don’t agree with what they are doing in the privacy of their own home

–straight people make out in public all the time, hold hands, grope, etc but that doesn’t automatically “make kids straight,” does it?–

simply isn’t right, it isn’t fair, and it isn’t American. Want to know how I know? America was founded on the Christian principle of equal treatment for all peoples–which is why the American Revolution, the Civil War, and almost every other war we’ve ever taken part in has ever happened–and that shouldn’t be restricted by any human aspect! And if needing, giving, and receiving love ever saturates the market so much that it needs to be trampled out of existence, I don’t want to be associated with the people doing the trampling.

Sure, you’re entitled to your opinions and your drive to have every single one of your rights adhered to, but I’m entitled to my opinions, too, and my rights. You won’t ever hear me say that you can’t hate my lesbianism or that you can’t hate my gay wedding. But that doesn’t mean I won’t have one.

The hate and narrow-mindedness of other people will not keep love out of my heart, will not keep me from loving the woman who loves me . Hate me all you want, but your hate cannot keep me from seeking legal equality or the life I want.



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