Maury Povich+Unemployment Line=

People must have started using condoms… Before you start reading–This is a RANT, and I tend to curse like a sailor and overuse CAPS… Just a warning…

So, there I was checking my email and all of a sudden I come across this message from Pointless Banter which is a collection of funny blogs edited together by funny blogger Kevin Palmer. Anyway, it’s a funny site and you should definitely check it out. Sign up for email updates. It will put a smile on your face every time! 🙂

But I digress… The posted “Featured Video” on this site comes to us from an episode of Maury Povich where a young woman is trying to determine the paternity of her child. Hmm, it seems Mr. Povich has covered topics like this before, but I may be wrong. I don’t watch a lot of his show; and, frankly, I don’t want to start.

However, I really think Lifestyles, Trojans, and whoever-the-fuck-else makes condoms ought to step up their marketing plans and put Maury Povich out of a job. Does the guy do shows about things other than women who sleep with multitudes of men and can’t determine who is the “baby daddy”???

The video lasts less than 30 seconds, long enough for one of the multitudes in question to discover from Mr. Host With the Least that he is not the young woman’s “baby daddy.” Immediately, he is so excited that his sperm failed the ultimate test he begins jumping around and dancing like he won a million dollars (more like saved it…). To which, the young lady responds by sitting down, putting her head in her hands, and crying. The crowd is jubilant with the man, also rising from their seats and dancing in a fit of joy!

From this, and previous situations enacted on pieces of daytime TV much like this, I have determined and wondered just a couple of things:

1) First, foremost, and most important–How fucking hard is it, really, to NOT FUCK THE FIRST PERSON WHO APPROACHES YOU?! I mean, really. Ladies, gentlemen–anyone who decides sex is what they want to do today–pick someone worth a shit, and if it happens to be someone of the opposite gender of you, USE A FUCKING CONDOM! And maybe invest in some fucking birth control. It’s not as if we need more unprepared, bored-ass idiots floating around creating more unprepared, bored-ass idiots. There are plenty of condom companies and clinics who offer free services to the uneducated blights on society who insist on making more.

2) Have enough self-respect and dignity to NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUS FUCKING SUBJECT ON TO DAYTIME TV! Hello?! Do you realize more idiots will watch you and make an example out of you? Not one preventing others from acting like you… No, no. But an example to FOLLOW! Some poor young girl who thinks the only way to get on TV (If Mr. Fucking Pathetic Povich can count as TV) is to fuck 30 men, pop out one kid–MIRACULOUSLY!– and then go to Maury Povich for the paternity test. Is he offering them free? Is that what’s happening? Do these poor fucking Schmuck TV Producers offer free paternity tests to these girls and ask them to bring on the worst fucking contenders for Daddy of the Year?! Because these assholes need to be drug out into the street and shot! Personally, I think the crowd ought to be drug out and shot as well. The bastards were cheering because this poor girl ruined her life, and just wanted someone to help her out… It’s disgusting…

3) LADIES–yes, LADIES. Take some fucking control for yourself, have some fucking self-respect. Don’t believe every fucking man who says he loves you! Put something higher on your priority list of shit to do today: an education, reading a book, or maybe getting a job. And, for the love of everything holy, don’t get pregnant with a man who doesn’t love you or have any respect for you just to keep him. It is the dumbest thing you could ever possibly do. There are enough miserable people floating around who don’t think their parents love them. Don’t make any more. It is YOUR responsibility; take it! If you want to have casual sex, do it SMART. Do it RIGHT. Don’t hope to God some idiotic DUDE will have your best interests at heart when all he wants from you (or you want from him) is sex.

Really, I mean, c’mon… it seems like common sense but there are still idiotic people out there thinking it won’t happen to them. It can’t happen to them. Not the first time. Not the one hundredth time. IT CAN AND WILL HAPPEN TO YOU! You aren’t special. So, to make up for your ordinariness, BE SMART! Use condoms, save sex for someone you love, and if you want casual encounters don’t be embarrassed to pull out a condom.

Wouldn’t it be more embarrassing to have a man jumping up and down on national TV because he’s so excited you didn’t carry his child?

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