I’ve never been good at keeping in touch with people. I’m even worse at calling someone up and suggesting we hang out. Normally, I don’t have a lot of money and I don’t have a car. So, I feel plenty awkward being all “Hey, let’s go somewhere using your car and your gas but not spend any money at all.” If my friends protest to not mind, and say that it doesn’t bother them – it makes me feel shittier for asking. It’s complicated; I’m sorry. Further, I’ve never been one to just call randomly and bullshit about my day. My post about small talk alludes to that fine enough. Usually my friends are kind enough to include me on their plans if they are going somewhere and just want someone around for comedic value or to just hang. I am totally up for that, and I appreciate it more than they will ever know.
Anyone who is my friend knows these things about me, and they also know that just because I don’t call every day and just because we don’t hang out every day doesn’t make me any less their friend. It doesn’t mean that I care any less about them or that I wouldn’t do damn near anything for them. Anything that is within my power – anything I can beg for, borrow, or steal can and will be theirs. All they need to do is ask.
So, I’m pretty fucking tired of having my integrity questioned. It’s damned insulting, and it makes me fucking wonder. It makes me wonder just how well people know or understand me. Communication is a two-way street. If you’re so damned hung up on talking to me, then call, email, IM, send me a message on MySpace or Facebook. No, I may not call you right back. Yes, it may take me a week to respond – but anyone who knows me knows that I still care. Knows that, essentially, no news is good news. If you haven’t gotten a call that I’ve kicked the bucket, chances are high that you’re bound to get some kind of communique from me at some point in the future.
So, just an FYI – Even though I seem distant – If we’ve hung out in the past, had a good time, shared an inside joke, or you’ve seen me drunk, angry, or crying… I’m gonna talk to you again.